WTF is Wrong With Vancouver?

The Vancouver Sun originally published an edited version of this article on November 10, 2011.

As I passed by a cigarette machine recently in a Louisiana bar, not only did the sight of it strike me odd as a Vancouverite but it got me thinking about what I most abhor about Vancouver; it’s that today, those little do-gooder controlling types have not only got the upper hand but they seem to be gaining momentum. Vancouver (BC, for that matter, because all of BC revolves around Vancouver, doesn’t it?) is more and more representing a sterile culture that you'd expect from smug, holier than thou, navel gazing, controlling, narcissistic, stuck up, colonial, puritan, whining, intolerant hypocritical do-gooders.

What is “quality of life” – does it include having your mother legislate your every move including what you can and cannot consume, condescendingly telling you what’s best for you... and forcing behaviour (change) under rule of law? Call me a throwback from days long gone (in BC), or maybe just a plain old simple idealist, but is it really too much to wish for that Vancouverites might have a little tolerance and resist the urge to control the every move and / or vice of others? Where is it really getting us to legislate away what are essentially annoyances at this point? We’ve now got some local politicians actually gloating at the prospect that the day will soon arrive where smoking anywhere in public will be outlawed entirely. This is good?

On a beautiful warm evening in the summer of 2010, a small bar opened in Gastown across from the Hotel Europe and a 3 piece band showed up at 8pm on the back of a pickup truck to play for free. Shortly afterward, 10 or 15 of the approximately 40 or so patrons had the audacity to migrate to the sidewalk with open alcohol. It was a magic impromptu moment until the VPD arrived, to threaten the owners, patrons, give a tongue lashing to everybody and send the musicians packing because, horror of horrors, they were too noisy. You see unless you had a permit in an entertainment district in Vancouver, you were not allowed to make any noise at 8:45 on a Friday night. Artists or no artists, rules were rules and as one officer belligerently told me it would likely not be long before a local resident complained.

Indeed, it got me thinking about a situation I found myself involved in years ago. I was living in a waterfront False Creek condo for several years with no issue until the neighbour from hell, moved in above me. I awoke prematurely one morning to the sound of thunder in my room. Whoever was now above me was not only one of those super annoying types, that get up at the crack of dawn (probably cheerful and exercising at that time no less), but he / it had the walk of an elephant. Subsequently I woke up every morning at the same time, at first silently cursing him but the realization that the poor bastard probably had no life allowed me to feel sorry for him and I quickly adjusted my attitude. Ironically, it wasn’t two weeks later before he showed up at my door, not to introduce himself, but to complain about my television and stereo. What’s more annoying I asked myself as I turned the TV down at 3 in the afternoon; waking up to an elephant walking above you at the crack of dawn when you are half asleep, or enduring somebody’s TV news mid day? It never occurred to me to complain about him or to him that his pounding on my floor at the crack of dawn was not my cup of tea either.

Intolerance and lack of humour is a provincial pastime. Suzanne Anton was recently forced to defend an NPA council candidate for running a website of questionable humour (the best kind btw), and who could forget the dancing penis in the legislature and the resulting howls of outrage from the NDP at the time. The NDP even threw one of their own candidates under a bus when he was discovered on a face book page groping some woman in a picture. Hypocrisy.... what, none of us have done it? Never inhaled or smoked it but grew up in Vancouver? Sure.

I hate to bring up Louisiana again but it’s the most recent reminder for me. Not only do people smoke wherever they want to, but they walk in public with open containers of alcohol (and they drink them too). The bars are noisy and the music is everywhere. The musicians smoke. It seems reasonable to me that if you don’t want to smell smoke then don’t go to the bar. If you don’t want to be kept awake with music then don’t live above a patio only to complain or have council legislate patio closures at 11 pm. It’s also pretty obvious to just about anybody, except provincial and municipal politicians it seems, that binge drinking and loutish behaviour in BC is a direct result of prohibition and scarcity that ironically they created and continue to support.

Nothing represents better the smug, navel gazing, holier than thou, narcissism than the ICBC license plates “The Best Place on Earth” which should read “The Best Place on Earth If You Enjoy Being Told What to do by Your Mother 24/7”.

All of this controlling behaviour has me thinking more and more about something Elizabeth Taylor once uttered “The problem with people who have no vices is generally you can be pretty sure they’re going to have some annoying virtues”.

The Babysitter's Away And The Kids Will Play

My friends from other countries express surprise at the outcome of last night's hockey game. My response is, why would you be surprised? You cannot fart in this province anymore without permission from the state. This is how kids behave when the babysitter's back is turned. And turned it was last night. The idiots were given a free pass to behave like anarchists. Notwithstanding, on one hand the police must be congratulated for not overreacting as they have been known to do, and I know this is going to be an unpopular comment as it is not PC to criticize Emergency Response; but police response (or lack of it in many cases), did not help much. It was way too little too late.

Armchair expert? I don't think so, I was right there. I am one of those so called "gawkers" who went downtown last night to witness what was going on. I drove a scooter down nearly every alley and street downtown and here is what I saw: I saw small numbers of idiots who were the instigators breaking things, over turning cars, burning things and breaking glass completely unchallenged. The rest were onlookers, some being entertained and some completely aghast.

The onlookers were there for the spectacle. Let's face it, that's why people go to hockey games (I am not a hockey fan) in the first place. And a spectacle they got; vandals and firebugs operated with complete impunity sometimes within feet of cops. I am convinced that if some of those idiots had been grabbed by the scruff of the necks by cops and taken away, it could have been nipped in the bud right away. Instead the cops waited, formed their riot lines with artillery and horses, waited, then threw out flash bangs and occasionally rushed the crowds. This did two things in my opinion; it further incited the crowd, which allowed the followers the time to join the leaders (who by now had momentum) in wrecking things and second it gave the gawkers the spectacle they came to see.

Look, we know the police have a tough, tough job. We appreciate what they do (for the most part). However, I have to ask the question, why are the police so afraid of heavy lifting?  For the most part they watched, apparently afraid, helpless or perhaps tethered by their own bureacracy that was unprepared. There were idiots breaking stuff right in front of them and they have to wait to do something? For what? Even I told a few people to fuck off and stop, but I was not wearing riot gear and armed. Foolish? I don't know, but my intuition and experience was that most people there were on my side and not a threat. However I quickly determined nobody was about to help me. What about getting the fire department to turn a few hoses on people?

This event reminds me of an experience I once had outside a bar in Gastown. There, two men were kicking cars and threatening bar patrons who were waiting in a lineup. I phoned 911, and the police took what seemed like forever to arrive. One showed up on a motorcycle and waited a safe distance away. Meanwhile the two guys took off, so I pursued them. I motioned and yelled to the cop to give chase with me. Only he was not about to give chase without backup which took another minute. The result? The two guys got away.

I might understand this if our cops were not armed to the teeth (but I doubt it as they are trained, which I am not). But contrary to other jurisdictions where police simply carry billy clubs, our police are armed like militia and they still cannot give chase and take them down? Excuse me?? We needed some heavy lifting the other night, not seat belt checks or to be told we cannot enjoy a glass of wine on the beach. Instead, the anarchists got symbolic victory after symbolic victory.

Oh, I can hear the spin now from mayor and chief and the predictable outcome of last night's event from the law and order types will be that we need more restrictive laws and more law enforcement. I don't think so. In fact, I think that one could instead argue that in highly restrictive environments, people do not learn personal responsibility. We've been working for decades on eroding personal responsibility in BC. And as a result it seems some even resent the nanny state so badly that they lash out whenever the opportunity arises.

So I revert to my earlier statement that you cannot fart in in this province without permission. Smoking laws, liquor laws, helmet laws, seatbelt laws, petty parking restrictions, dog leash laws, noise bylaws curfews in parks and beaches... just to name a few.  To some degree you reap what you sow.